Hi everyone
I had been thinking about posting about my experience during Cate’s satsang last week and after her comments during today’s satsang I thought I’d get on and share
Short story.. i was the sobbing mess during the group blessing (can’t recall exact wording) section of the satsang
What was happening in me at the time was I’d had a really hard week of forgiveness (trying to and struggling) and I felt so raw and frail.
When it came my turn to be blessed, I felt painfully tiny.. miniscule..I wanted to shrink away. It was so hard to even cast my eyes up and look at you all on the screen. I had no idea where that feeling came from as I would say I am a “confident” person. But in that moment I realised how deeply deeply disgusting and unworthy I felt. I felt I didn’t deserve your blessing or to even have all of your eyes on me.
It was all I could do to sit still and just remain present.
From what I remember, Cate jumped in quickly to remind you all, some thing like, ” don’t see her body, don’t see her tears, don’t message her and ask her if she is ok. That’s not true empathy. Hold her in light, hold her in truth.. That is true healing”
I was scared.. terrified ..mainly that nothing would happen and I would not move through. I think I took another breath and tried to be still and literally in an instant SILENCE AND STILLNESS. Just like that! Perfect peace. Relief. Joy. Tears of joy. Was quite incredible. Thank you ALL so much.
And thank you Cate for being unwilling to see my littleness… and in such a loving way. What might have sounded unkind to the ego (i.e. don’t see her tears, don’t message) was the most loving thing you could have said or done and really did result in healing!
I think I was reluctant to post about this as I was scared I imagined it or it would be temporary and short-lived.. but afterwards I had about fours days of the most beautiful deep peace (probably the longest period of peace since I really committed to the true forgiveness process all day every day).
What was then so wonderful was sharing it with my brothers for the next four days..it was effortless and natural.
Again, thank you Cate and everyone so very much for your thoughts that day. Amazing