Thank you dear Cate, Shannon, and family on today’s zoom. I signed on a few minutes late, and my ego was chattering away when I got there. Bad student, see you can never do anything properly, you don’t really want to do this or need to, or you’re being “guided” not to participate today. I have so much trouble with my thoughts…
I came on though because I don’t, can’t, heal alone. I want more than anything to know who I am truely, when I’m joined. I didn’t know that today would be Christ Blessing.. The very first time I heard that on a YouTube (at least a year ago) I cried with joy, release, hope. Months ago I printed this out and its here on this lamp on my desk. Meanwhile I’ve studied, listened to many zooms from various Teachers. Gotten angry, frustrated, realized I can’t force growth, continued to try to be “good” blah blah. But today I heard “If it’s Spirit leading, you’ll feel peace.” I find peace with you, such deep rest. I’m not used to God’s gifts, freely given, or boundless oceans of love. They scare me. But I want that so so so much.
Today my heart broke with joy, I started laughing at one point since I never experience the wenching tears except when I’m beyond brokenenness. Today the crying was tears of yay! I am all these things, we all are. I am whole, worthy, swimming in love, guiltless, perfect. Being seen by Jesus. Thank you for bringing all this to my awareness